goat35

Jim proposed last night! Yay! I'm officially engaged!
We went to Polcari's for dinner last night with Hannah and Jeff. I had a suspicion that he might be ready to do it, but didn't want to know. We ordered a bottle of wine and we were by the fireplace and it was a really fun night. Suddenly he said, "I have a surprise for you" and got down on one knee and proposed. And everyone clapped. And I cried. I could barely see the ring I was crying so much. After a few minutes I realized I forgot to say yes, so I did. And everyone clapped again. It was really romantic and wonderful. I'm SO HAPPY! I'll post pictures later.

I'M ENGAGED!!!

I am no longer completely insane. I came to my senses Saturday morning after a good talk with Hannah. We went ring shopping later in the day and I fell in LOVE with a much more reasonably priced ring that is perfect for me. I feel so ridiculous for putting a dollar amount on my relationship, and for pressuring Jim so much that he thinks he needs to propose ASAP or I'll leave him. I've decided that I can obsess about my upcoming engagement all I want to everyone but Jim. It's working pretty well, four days in. Granted, Jim hasn't really been home, so I don't know if he's noticed, but I'm trying my hardest.

Here's a picture of the ring:

I've gone completely crazy. I don't know why Jim is still with me. I want him to propose so much that I can't take it anymore. I found out today how much he borrowed to pay for the ring, and it was half of what I expected or we had discussed. I flipped. I made him change the password on his bank account so I wouldn't snoop. I don't know how to handle it. I know it's horrible that I want a ring to be a certain amount, but for 2.5 years I've supported Jim and have been the breadwinner. To find out what you're worth after all of that, is very disheartening. The sad part is, I already feel like I'm discounting myself with the amount I gave him, and now I'll have to be happy if I get anywhere near that.

I guess in the end we're never worth quite what we think we are. In my case, about the cost of a video gaming system.

I don't think I've posted much since the Sox won the World Series in '07. That's almost a year ago. Go me. Mostly I don't write because I don't think people care much about the day to day life I live. It's pretty boring, but there are some good parts, so I'll try to write more often. Plus, who am I to judge who is or isn't interested in my life?

Here's some updates:
-In May Jim and I moved to Stoneham. It's the town next to the one I "grew up" in, and about a mile and a half from my job. My commute went from an hour each way to 15 minutes a day. It's much better for me. I'm closer to my friends and family, don't have the day-to-day stress of a horrible commute, and I live within 5 miles of 2 Targets and plenty of restaurants and other stores. You'd have to live in a town like Acton to understand
-Jim has 1 year left of college. He's been working two jobs and went to summer sessions to complete his degree faster. I can't wait until he's done. I have high expectations, so I don't know how he constantly lives up to them and in some cases exceeds them.
-We went on vacation to Acadia again this past July 4th week. For those who don't know, it's where I spread my mother's ashes and I go up each year for her birthday. Due to Jim's work schedule, I'm not sure we'll be able to do it next year, so it was good to be there for a great week of hiking and camping.
-We're going to Disney World (Orlando) the week after Christmas! I've very excited. We'll be there for Jim's 25th and for New Year's Eve and we'll get to see my Grandparents. It should be a great vacation.
-I'm still working hard at my multiple jobs. I've had a hard time dealing with some people in our NY office, but I believe that is changing. It can be frustrating, but it's always challenging and it's always something different. I'm lucky to have the position I have and don't want to let it go. Plus, I get to work for a Nobel Peace Prize winning organization, so that's cool.
-I finally cleaned out my mother's storage unit. I've been working on it for four years, so it's a relief that it's finally done.
-I'm still trying to fit everything into our apartment. I feel like every time I unpack a box or two, three more get brought in from somewhere else. Kinda crazy.
-Jim's working nights and weekends now, so Sunday's are pretty lonely. It's a good time for organizing and hopefully quilting some time soon. I still don't know how I managed to make a twin sized quilt in a week. It's like I'm scared to do it again because it was such an emotional process.
-I feel a lot like I am closing off parts of my life that I don't want to deal with. It's hard to grieve or open yourself up, I've realized. In my line of work I have to be on all the time, and don't have time to have a bad or emotional day. It's taken a toll on my relationship with Jim, as we're lacking intimacy, but I know we'll get it back soon. It's hard when we're both working so hard on such different aspects of life. It'll be nice after Jim graduates when we are both in the same place in our lives.
-In September I'll be 25. That's scary.

So, that's what's been going on. I hope everyone is well. I'm not even sure who reads this, but if you do, stay in touch. Also, for all of you Putney people, I'll be going to Harvest Festival and hope to see some of you there.

For the first time in a while, I can say that my life is good. On May 1st Jim and I are moving to Stoneham, which is the town in between the town I "grew up" in and the town I work in. Basically, it's in the middle of everywhere: 5 minutes from EVERY major highway, 10 minutes from hundreds of restaurants and malls and stores, and 10 minutes from Boston. OH...the BEST part is that it is 1.5 miles from my job. In really nice weather I could actually walk to work in less time it takes me to drive there now. Oh god I'm so excited to move. Jim and I also FINALLY bought a couch and chair and a half and an ottoman and they are SO comfortable. If the Sox sweep in the World Series, the couch will be free - but we're not counting on it. Winning $3100 in free furniture last year was a welcomed surprise so I'm not pushing it. It also means we can get rid of the horrendous couch his aunt and uncle gave us when we first moved in. I'm starting to get rid of the items people gave us when we moved in and replace them with things we pick out ourselves. It's like I'm a grown up.

In work news, I got a raise about two months ago, and will receive another raise next week. it's actually a very good, substantial raise in the corporate world. I love my job, and it was nice to be rewarded for all of the hard work I've been putting in. i'm working a ton on Grameen America, the first Grameen-model microfinance company in America. Grameen Bank won the 2006 Nobel Peace Prize. So, it's pretty cool. I work behind the scenes to make the world go round, so it's pretty thankless work most of the time. One day I will break out and just take over the world, but I've gotta get some experience under my belt first. Most people drop their jaws when they find out i'm only 24. When you're 24 it's good to keep your age a secret.

Jim and I are doing well. life isn't perfect, and we're lacking a certain aspect in our relationship still, but I know once we move things will be much better. I've been so stressed between work, being the bread winner, having a horrible commute every day, and being completely cut off from friends and family. Moving is solving all of those problems, thus making me a happier person.

Well - there's the update. I'm so excited that baseball season is back and hopefully a game will be on at night soon so that I can actually watch one. Putting on gameday at work is going to get me in trouble one day. I guess that's the highlight of having your own office - no one can see what you're doing.

Happy Spring!

I'll keep this short. There is nothing better than sleeping on a free Tempurpedic.

Thank you Sox. I wanted you to win because you were the best, but the $3000 in free furniture is wonderful as well.

I can't wait to see how good we are next year!

After much persuasion, begging, and picture messages, Jim has finally agreed to let me get a kitten!!! I'm so excited! I drove past someone giving away kittens on Friday, but he was all out by the time I got there. He has a whole box full of orange kittens ready this weekend, so hopefully we can get one. If anyone knows of someone who wants to give away an orange kitten, please send them to me. Yes, the color is important. If you don't know why, you must not know me.

In other news: everything is wonderful. So wonderful that I don't even want to bore anyone with details.

Putney alums: are any of you going to Harvest Festival this year?

Ok, this is a baseball post, so if you aren't obsessed with the Red Sox, stop now.

Julian Tavarez is my new favorite pitcher. If you know the Sox, you know why this is crazy. Tavarez joined the team as a bullpen guy last year. In one of the Spring Training games, he got suspended for punching a guy. In Boston, we don't love the fighting, so no one liked Tavarez last year. And, he wasn't great out of the 'pen.

Cut to this year. Tavarez is our fifth starter because Papelbon moves to the closer roll and Jon Lester is rehabbing after having cancer. We don't expect much, so when he wins, we're excited. When he gets the Loss, we're like "Ok, he's our fifth starter, so we weren't expecting much anyways". He has a fairly good record, but lately has been better than Schilling and Wakefield, and is getting on the heels of Daisuke. But the greatest thing ever is his personality. First of all, he lets Manny rub his head for an entire inning in a very homo erotic way. Secondly, he points and shouts and directs the ball for every pop fly, infield play, and double play. And third, he plays injured and comes up with crazy treatments. He played with a blister on his middle finger of his throwing hand, which, as he said, would have put Beckett on the DL. His treatment: crushed up aspirin and red bull rubbed into it. He also plays with leg issues and arm issues, and doesn't complain. Not only that, he makes fun of everyone for sitting out when they're injured. He's like Manny, but talks to the media.

Oh, and he will also randomly roll a ground ball to first to make a play, instead of throwing it. You know, in baseball, where you generally throw the ball around.

He's just so great, and pitched fantastically last night. Everyone should hop on the Tavarez train with me. Just remember who was here first.

Other things are good too. For everyone I saw at Putney reunion: Thanks for an awesome and craaaazy night!

To all Putneyites who read my journal:
I WILL be attending renuion festivities this Saturay, but Saturday only. I hope to see all you cool alums there! Jim will be with me, as well.

That is all.

So, after living in MA for about 11.5 months, I finally got my MA license last week. The photo actually came out pretty well, so that's good. It'll be way easier to buy booze now, since Mass is incredibly strict about checking IDs. There are some liquor stores in Acton that won't sell me alcohol, and in restuarants they always have to take it to the manager. Craziness.

In other news, Jim and I bought a new bed. It's from Jordan's, so GO SOX!!!! For those of you who don't know, Jordan's furniture had an offer where you would get your furniture bought befor patriot's day will be free if the Sox win the series. We're a pretty solid team, so I think I've got a chance to get a free bed. Oh, and it's a tempurpedic, and by God is it wonderful.

Jim and I have been ok. We've hit some rough patches, mostly having to do with money, responsibility, and maturity. Jim's really been trying over the last two weeks, and it makes me so happy to see that.

Work has been going well. I created a pretty good library out of 800 or so books my boss had in absolutely no order. I'm also in the middle of reorganzing all of the media he has (about 300 or so tapes/DVDs/CDs) and creating an annotated listing. It'll be much easier to find a disc in a hurry, which is normally what I have to do. After these two projects are done, I'm going to add a ton of metadata to the 25,000 photos he has on the computer. yeah, half of them have no date/location information at all, and the ones that do have information are only in folders with that information. But, i got a separate computer with Vista on it for the project bringing my technology total way up. I have 2 cpus, 3 printers, 2 faxes, 2 scanners, 2 copiers, and a 5 disc super speedy burner. and an office with a window that opens. It's pretty cool. But, the cpu switcher doesn't have a USB input, so I lost my laser mouse. Oh, and I have a barcode scanner.

oh, and in big news....Jim and I are taking a vacation together this summer. We're going to Acadia park in Maine for 5 nights of camping and wilderness adventures. We're going July 1-6, and my Mom's birthday is on the 2nd and her ashes are spread up there, so I'm really excited on all fronts. I have only been to the spot we spread her, so it'll be good to see the rest of the park. I love having a job where I can actually take vacation time. So rad.

Ok, I'm done blabbing. I haven't decided if I'm going to Putney's reunion yet, so if there are any Putney people who read this and they are going, they should let me know. It's a weird feeling though, since I feel like most people at putney didn't like me by the time I graduated and I never knew why. I want to get over it, but spending 2 days up there with no close buddy sounds sucky.

Mmm...baseball.....

I'm having a rough week. Monday was the three year anniversary of my mom's death. When I was at LCM I knew I'd make sure Bill didn't make me work on the holiday so that i could have one day to myself, to think about her and how much I miss her. But, I wasn't working and two interview opportunities popped up for Monday. When you need work, you take whatever interview you can get. In the end, I was hired in one day so it was worth it, but I feel like I cheated my mom's memory in some way. I'm feeling very angry now, the way I usually am when holiday's pop up and I am forced to recognize the fact that i don't have a mom. To top it off, I'm having a lot of other problems this week like a killer period and in the early, really annoying stages of a cold. Oh, and my bed keeps breaking becuase the slats keep moving, but i just think it's because I weigh a ton. What's so hard is that I can't explain what's making me so irritable. Jim tries really hard to understand, but he can't. Jessica and I hung out on Monday morning, but we didn't talk about what the day meant to me. None of my family emailed or called me, not like I know what I would want anyone to say. Jim was being a jerk last night and just went to bed without trying to solve the problem, which drove me crazy. I brought it up so that we could resolve the problem, but he just kept doing the Jim thing of listening to 1/3 of what is actually being said and apologizing for that. In the end, I said that I needed a caring, loving boyfriend and he just couldn't do that, so he was off the hook for the week, and that's how I feel. I feel like I never rely on anyone, but when I need that support or comfort, I have to fight for it; it's never there for me automatically. This morning Jim wanted to act like nothing happened, but that's what the problem was. Nothing happened, no talking, no real apologies, no support, no understanding of my life. i don't know how I feel about that.

I got a new job! I sent in my resume on Saturday, got a call Saturday afternoon, interviewed this morning, and got the job tonight. I'm going to be the executive assistant/project manager for the CEO of the World Congress, which run conferences in the health care industry and does a bunch of other cool things. The salary is a tad lower than what I was making at LCM, but with bonuses it will be more. There are also insurance benefits and 401K, which will make my grandfather happy.

Yay for me.

My boss fired me today. He's been trying to for a while. The company is going down like a ton of bricks, and he has no one to blame but himself. So he blames me for everything. I stood up to him and wouldn't let him take his anger for other people out on me. I also refused to work on Sundays, early mornings, and late nights once I was home. This, evidently, was a firing offense. He couldn't even say the words. Insead he said, "I think you're done here". What he doesn't understand is that I was the only glue holding the wreck of the company together enough to get anything done, and without me it will fall to the ground. He couldn't pay me any amount of money to come back, either. I have this strange sense of freedom, of happiness. It's like leaving an abusive relationship: you don't want to go because then you'll be alone, but you have to because they are so abusive and degrading. I finally got out. I wanted him to fire me so that I could put in for vacation time and back insurance payments. Plus, I don't quit. I just won't take the verbal abuse anymore, and I feel so happy that the horrible situation is over. I'm out looking for jobs now, something I've never really had to do before. I also need to get to the unemployment office since the phone lines are always maxed out and I can't get through that way. I'm petrified that I won't find a job quickly enough and won't be able to pay my bills, but hopefully something will work out. Wish me luck.

Why does life always have to suck? And why can't I work for a company that gives Christmas bonus?

I got a promotion!!!!

I am now the Director of Experience This! and New Media at Lichtenstein Creative Media. Know all that Second Life stuff I keep talking about? Well, now I'm in charge of it. I rock.

Bill will be on Talk of the Nation on NPR Tuesday, October 24th at 3:15pm. People should tune in and learn about all the work I've been doing.

Two words: Diamond Earrings.

Well, first let me update everyone on my birthday, because it was pretty rad. I went to work, which sucked because my boss yelled at me all day and totally forgot my birthday. BUT, Jim had tiger lillies sent to my office so I felt really awesome and loved. He was really sick, so we didn't go out to eat, but him Mom came over and we got sushi take out and it was great. then he surprised me with a mini cake, since he knew i'd be upset if I didn't get cake on my birthday. He got me a beautiful card, Deal or No Deal the electronic game, and Nip/Tuck season 3. Everythingw as a surprise and I don't know how he pulled it all off.

The next day was the day of my party. We drove about a half hour to go get hotdogs from Home Depot (they were really really good) and then came back and I cleaned almost all of the house top to bottom. i had to get it really clean, since we were having a party and it would be the first time our families had seen the apartment. The last thing i wanted them to see was dust and cat hair everywhere.

My aunt, uncle, and cousin were the only family members of mine to show up, but almost all of Jim's family came. My awesome chicas from mount Holyoke came, as well as Jessica and Dana. Denis and some chick showed up later, and the house was full. I got great presents, including a spa day at Ochoa from the MoHos (you girls rock!). By midnight, I was fast asleep.


Today was not so great. I went to get my car inspected and it failed both the safety inspection and the emissions inspection. When I put my blinker on, the taillights and rear blinker lights alternate and make my car look like a Christmas tree. Technically, it's illegal to even drive it, but the garage couldn't even look at it so I had to get home. I'm petrified to get it looked at, since I just don't have a lot of money. But, it has to get done. It just really sucked. work also sucked, and now Jim is being insensitive and I'm being snappy and it's just not a good situation.

It's been a while, I know. Today I am home sick and not working. Unfortunately, I'm completely attached to my job and won't turn off my computer so that i can compulsively check my email. It's so lame. I just wish I could relax and nap and get better, but it hasn't happened yet.

Things have been pretty good lately. There was a stretch where Jim and I were on the rocks, but we're back to being our cute, disgusting selves. Snowball is wonderful and has completely adjusted to being the center of the universe. Aside from the heat, I think she's pretty happy.

Also, everyone should check out http://www.lcmedia.com/Globevirtual.htm which is the boston globe article on my company. We're rocking the Second Life world.


But, I'm sick and my boss just called to tell me that a sick day implies that I should not be checking my email, so I'm going to try and nap.

By the way, daytime TV sucks ass.

I got my BA degree. Yeah, that's right, I have a Bad Ass degree in Russian and Eurasian Studies. It was a long, hot day, but it was perfect. Jim was beyond amazing and put my whole party together (with the very awesome help of Hannah and Kay, his mom). I must give credit where credit is due. They helped just as much as he did, and together I got to just sit and chat with family. It was a great day, even though getting the degree was a bit of a formality, I'm glad I went.

Today I clean this house, maybe go to Jess' bar-b-que and make a bit household shopping list. I'm trying to decide between a bed and a dining room set. And there's a ton of little things we need like a sugar bowl and potholders. Good thing I like to shop!

Well, that's all for now. OH, my home phone number is 978-274-2206. Someone should call me on it sometime!

In two hours and 6 minutes, I will begin the procession from the gym to the amphitheater, and will FINALLY graduate. Go me.

I walked in the Laurel Parade yesterday, and it was truly moving. I will post pictures at one point, but first a quote (ation): "Graduating from MHC is proof that you can do ANYTHING". It's so true. This was the hardest four years of my life, but I did it. And with a 3.28 GPA no less.

Thank you to anyone who helped me get here today. I couldn't have done it without you.